so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
