just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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