can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
