Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Randomize
