If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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