you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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