tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
