you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
