I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
