ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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