On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
