I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
