Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
