Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
