Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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