are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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