please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
All the doctor said was why
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
