I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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