Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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