he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize