I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
