Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
