they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
