Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
