I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just googled if crying burns calories
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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