i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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