it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
