It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
