Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
