She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
