This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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