we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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