And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
