I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
