Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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