you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize