It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
