It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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