I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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