even my farts smell like vagina
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I wear drunk well.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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