Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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