Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
