These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
