...so i touched it.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Two words: nipple clamps
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