Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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