that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
