I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
