i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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