Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
