she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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