Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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