My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I didn't notice because vodka
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
