Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
