I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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