The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
