i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
