How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
