can we get nightvision for the apartment?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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