mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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