you guys were way drunker than both of me
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
