it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
