my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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