dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
