you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
