My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
