i don't like sucking hair
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
