I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
